Let’s start this conversation about rough and tumble by being very honest. We (women in most cases) find it very difficult to see children playing rough or playing one on top of the other with ease, whenever we encounter a scene like this, our first reaction is to say something to stop the play or literally physically separating children and directing them to another type of play. However, if we can remember the best memories of our childhood, surely the most fun games were those that involved some kind of risk, one or more friends, prank games, tug of war and some type of fight. If these are good memories of our childhood, why do we have so much difficulty in accepting today that children play this way? I believe that one of the answers is the fact that parents want to raise sons and daughters who are kind to others, they are very afraid that these games will label the children as aggressive or cause excessive aggression in them. On the other hand, the overprotection of some parents prevents them from subjecting their children to some kind of play that may result in injuries. Whatever the reason why you do not allow these games in your children’s lives, I hope that at the end of this article you are convinced that this game is important and healthy for children.
Fighting and chasing games involve emotions, physical contact, use of strength and sharing stories. It is a social joke before anything. These games develop important skills such as self-control, compassion, limits and physical possibilities. During this type of play, children are able to solve problems independently, adjust behaviors and show care for each other.
These games require the development of important social skills such as competition and cooperation. In competition, children learn to face diversity and deal with conflicts. A healthy sense of competition increases the child’s self-esteem and makes it more likely that he will defend his rights. In cooperation, children learn to listen to others, to see things through the eyes of the other, to work together and to be able to yield in favor of the community or the other. These two aspects are very important because if the child only learned to be competitive he becomes a selfish and socially isolated adult, unable to work in a group. On the other hand, the child who always has a cooperative attitude may not learn to assert himself or defend himself. Therefore, when playing fights or persecutions, children are learning to balance these two skills.
Regarding aggressiveness, we can see that fighting games help children to channel their aggressiveness in a non-destructive way. There are differences between playing and being aggressive that we can observe when we see children playing. In playing we can see in the physiognomy of the children that they are having fun and there is an attempt to prolong the play and not simply to beat the opponent. Of course, we observe some moments when play can go too far, and at that moment the intervention of the adult in a constructive way is always welcome. The adult should let things calm down and then talk to the children involved because the game has gone too far. Let the children find the answers themselves. Talk about empathy and kindness, talk about how we feel when someone disrespects us. All of these conversations are necessary and important for child development. Ignoring or suppressing them does not help. Little by little the children understand the differences between playing fighting and a real fight.
The fight play exists in the male universe more often, but it also happens in the female universe. It is important that regardless of gender, children have the opportunity to experience these games with each other and with adults too, very common among parents and children.